Archers call for bow and arrow laws to be loosened
BRUCE BARKEY
APRIL 20, 2024
The tragic events at Bondi Junction have led the Archers lobby to speak up for the loosening of laws regarding carrying unconcealed bows and arrows.
Six people were killed and another dozen seriously injured during the stabbing spree by a lone knifeman on April 13, 2024.
Jeffrey Archer (not the author) who leads the Australian Archers Lobby insists that legalising the open carrying of bows and arrows could have averted this tragedy far sooner before so many lives were lost and innocents were injured.
“Do you know how long it takes to stab six people to death plus injure another twelve?” is the question posed by Archer on behalf of all Archers (the recreationists, not the family members).
“If we were able to open carry our archery equipment, only one, or maybe two people at most would have been stabbed that day. By then, myself, or one of my merry men, would have reached into our respective quivers, loaded up the bow with a fixed blade broadhead and boom! We would have thwarted this nefarious lunatic’s plans.”
“This mass murderer would only, instead, be a murderer. In that time, we also could have also stolen from some of the rich Eastern Suburbs shoppers from Vaucluse, Darling Point and Bellevue Hill and given to the poor Eastern Suburbs Shoppers from Botany, Matraville and Hillsdale. Alas, ‘twas not to be.”
Archers says is sick of seeing Archers (the quiver-strapped, not the family members) marginalised in society.
“It begins with our poor media representation,” complains Archer.
“We had a good thing going with Robin Hood. But every film remake gets worse and worse. Disney's animated Robin Hood from the 1970s made him a fox. Mel Brooks' Robin Hood Men in Tights made us a laughingstock in the 1990s. And Russell Crowe's Robin Hood back in 2010 almost made me want to give up being an archer – the sport, not the name – I should clarify.”
“Sure, in DC's Arrow show he has cool abs, but when you look at the Justice League, the main game for DC, the Green Arrow is nowhere to be seen.”
“And when kids want to dress up as one of Marvel's Avengers at the Book Fair parade each year, at every school you see the same thing, dozens and dozens of these boys dressed as Iron Man, Hulk, or Captain America, even a few trans-curious kids as Black Widow with a few dodgeballs down the front of their black blouse. You might see the odd blondie dressed as Thor too, especially in Sydney’s Sutherland Shire, doing his bit to advance Aryan-pride awareness in our increasingly multicultural Sydney suburban public schools.”
“But tell me, how often do you see a Hawkeye? Never! I even heard of a few white boys claiming to be the Samuel L Jackson version of Nick Fury from the films, no boot polish on their face or anything. Just an eye patch and a black raincoat. They could have just claimed to be the white Nick Fury from the character’s first 38 years in the comic books.”
“But a Hawkeye? Pretty much never.”
“Actually, I have heard of one boy - a shy, thoughtful type, who liked the nuanced skills of Hawkeye, which he said hark back to the days of yore, when men shot apples from their son’s heads and Italian composers wrote overtures to celebrate the achievement.
“This little Australian lad wore his homemade Hawkeye costume to school - because the department stores don’t bother stocking them. As soon as he walked through the school's front gate on the morning of Book Fair, the story goes that he was mocked mercilessly.
“He was called a ‘bow-bearing boob’, a ‘feather-firing fairy’, a ‘Peter Pansy Poofter Puffer’, and, worst of all, ‘Russell Crowe's retarded nephew’ … and those were just the comments from the teachers!”
Archer hopes this interview serves as a public service announcement and an important statement of truth to power by marginalised Archers (the feather-firing fairies, not the family members).
“All I am saying is, any man with a bow and arrow could have taken out that Bondi Junction Stabby Murder Man within seconds. After all, it's just like the saying goes:
“Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day.Teach a man to fish, and you will feed him for a lifetime.Teach a man to fish with a bow and arrow and you will have someone who will want to talk about bow fishing non-stop so much that you will want to stab him to death more than a crazy person wants to stab shoppers at a Westfields.”
“And when kids want to dress up as one of Marvel's Avengers at the Book Fair parade each year, at every school you see the same thing, dozens and dozens of these boys dressed as Iron Man, Hulk, or Captain America, even a few trans-curious kids as Black Widow with a few dodgeballs down the front of their black blouse. You might see the odd blondie dressed as Thor too, especially in Sydney’s Sutherland Shire, doing his bit to advance Aryan-pride awareness in our increasingly multicultural Sydney suburban public schools.”
“But tell me, how often do you see a Hawkeye? Never! I even heard of a few white boys claiming to be the Samuel L Jackson version of Nick Fury from the films, no boot polish on their face or anything. Just an eye patch and a black raincoat. They could have just claimed to be the white Nick Fury from the character’s first 38 years in the comic books.”
“But a Hawkeye? Pretty much never.”
“Actually, I have heard of one boy - a shy, thoughtful type, who liked the nuanced skills of Hawkeye, which he said hark back to the days of yore, when men shot apples from their son’s heads and Italian composers wrote overtures to celebrate the achievement.
“This little Australian lad wore his homemade Hawkeye costume to school - because the department stores don’t bother stocking them. As soon as he walked through the school's front gate on the morning of Book Fair, the story goes that he was mocked mercilessly.
“He was called a ‘bow-bearing boob’, a ‘feather-firing fairy’, a ‘Peter Pansy Poofter Puffer’, and, worst of all, ‘Russell Crowe's retarded nephew’ … and those were just the comments from the teachers!”
Archer hopes this interview serves as a public service announcement and an important statement of truth to power by marginalised Archers (the feather-firing fairies, not the family members).
“All I am saying is, any man with a bow and arrow could have taken out that Bondi Junction Stabby Murder Man within seconds. After all, it's just like the saying goes:
“Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day.Teach a man to fish, and you will feed him for a lifetime.Teach a man to fish with a bow and arrow and you will have someone who will want to talk about bow fishing non-stop so much that you will want to stab him to death more than a crazy person wants to stab shoppers at a Westfields.”
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